following.

Thorns

recently i have grown to feel much like this image. i feel as if i need to protect myself from those who wish to steal the beauty in which i hold dear to me. Not only metaphorically speaking, but truly. i have put myself out there for those who i trusted... i have been burned more times than i wish to count. so today i woke up at 6am and laid there pondering why?

i have a quote on my sticky notes wall "if it doesn't make you happy, then why are you doing it? Who are you doing it for?" i have no idea where i saw the quote because i didn't write that part down (if it was said by you, tell me and i will give you credit).

but this made me think about all of my "social networking" sites that i visit and take part in. does it make me any happier to put up a status update? no. does it make me any happier to see a new person following me on twitter? no. does it make me happier if people i do not know follow my blog? no.

So if not, then why?

i pulled myself out of bed and took a look at my twitter followers. over 300 people. i went through the list, one by one. There were people selling porn - deleted! there were people selling things i didn't want to buy - deleted. there were people who said creepy things and/or looked creepy - deleted! there were bots (look it up if you don't know) - deleted. there were people who were following ONLY me (creepy!!!) - deleted! there were people that just looked like they were up to no good - deleted.

i could go on, but i deleted over 100 people that i didn't want to have follow my every move online. i also recently had been thinking about the kids i grew up with and how i am their friend on FB. i have not seen or heard from many of these people since i was a young child. Good to connect, sure. But i do not honestly know these people. Do i really want them seeing my status updates? Do i want them knowing that i am having a difficult time right now? Do i want them seeing all of the photos i take of my family? Complete strangers knowing my every life move... all because i happened to know them when i was a young child?

We protect what we love. We shelter it, we give it love and we teach ourselves to be cautious of those around us at all times. How do you protect yourself from something you can not see? Do you know how many times a stranger has looked at your photos? Do you set your photos up on FB to be seen ONLY by those you are friends with, friends of friends, or everyone? Do you honestly know all of your friends- friends and trust that they are not scary people who might wish to harm you or your family?

Yesterday i took Claire all alone, just me, to the Farmers Market two towns over. i gave her the "remember to stick with me" speech to which i got a sassy response of "i'm 10... i know!" So that put me into major mom mode and a lecture about the "stranger danger" ensued.

Here, we are all alone. Here, i have no one to call upon if i get into danger or trouble. Here, we are surrounded by hundreds of strangers whenever we go anywhere. Not 1 familiar face in the crowd.

So how do you get to that point of... enough? My life is MY life and not to be shared with the entire world?

i share because i want those that i care about to keep up with us while we are living 3,000 miles away.
i share because i want to not be closed off from the world.
i share because i enjoy sharing.

but i think there is a limit to which we share and who we share with.