As you like it.

Many life times ago...
Many moons ago...
That was a life time ago...
Once upon a time...

There are many ways to say that we are talking about our past. Although i do not believe the theory of "people can change" in the way they truly are in their personality {once a liar, always a liar}, i do believe that we do all live many lives inside of our one life that we are given at each time.

Throughout our life we go through tiny changes and drastic changes to shape who we are in the end. In a given lifetime you are lucky if you've lived only one same existence... but you are truly blessed if you have seen many lifetimes inside of your own life. If you let your life take hold of you and keep you locked in place, then you might be the same person you were when you were 3, only much older. If, on the other hand, you embrace each section of your life as a new adventure and a new way of thinking, then you might be the same person... but you have let yourself live many lives inside of your own.

I've proudly lived the lives of infant, child, pre-teen, teen, college student, early 20's, mother, friend, family member, care giver, volunteer, and beyond.

The changes in our life do not always mean we change as a person. Some people stay the same and create memories of being the same person, only in a different role. I like to embrace the changes and treat them like a chance to live a whole new way of life while still being me.

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. - Shakespeare

The masks i bare, like the clothes i wear

I try not to wear a mask for each person i know,  metaphorically speaking of course. It becomes very tiring changing into a new character every time i change the company that i keep. Yet we all do it to some degree. When you are at work you wear a mask to be more grown up. When we are with our siblings, we revert back to a time in our life that reminds us of who we use to be, and so we put on our family mask. Truly the masks we all wear in layers of ever changing spirit... they are no different than the clothes that we wear. They change by setting, or even by the change in our mood.

I've met some real mask wearers over the years. You know the type, a perfect answer for everyone they meet. They might tell you that they love something, and ten minutes later tell someone else that they hate the same thing they just raved about loving to you. These people wear so many masks and tell so many lies that they forget who they said what to. They tend to forget what mask they wear around you until 10 minutes into the conversation. They become masters of acting quickly underneath their masks. All the while trying to figure out which mask belongs with the person they are speaking with. So that each time you are around them the mask might change 20 times before the conversation is over. They aren't exactly bad people, these mask wearers, because like i said, we ALL do it. It is just that some of us only change our masks when we become nervous or truly want to hide from certain people in our life that make us uncomfortable. {like wearing a work mask around our boss to hide how immature we really are} These people are the exception, they aren't trying to hide from anyone in particular - no, they are trying to hide from every one they know because the real person beneath the mask is not a good person.

It would be nice if we could all just be ourselves at all hours of the day. There shouldn't be a need to change who we are just because we change the person we are talking to. But this is where life gets most interesting to those of us who can truly wear a single mask with just a few added features. To show everyone we meet our true colors, our true self, our true nature of being right from the start... this is something that i personally strive to become. To put away the few extra masks that i wear and just be me at all times, but perhaps with a few extra twists. Because life wouldn't be life without a little bit of give and take in who we are in our ability to act in any given situation. Just do not let the masks change who you really are deep down inside.

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.  ~André Berthiaume, Contretemps

Changes are a validation of the reality of living

Each day we live, we grow, and as we grow we change. You can not stop the cycle of life and the manor of how each day brings about changes. There are some changes that come and we revel in their power to make us into better people. Often times the changes that come and go do so without notice, or without speculation on what that change will mean to us.

The past few years i have had numerous changes in my life, so many that it would be foolish to sit back and count them all as life altering. The few that make me take grand notice of how my life has changed drastically are the ones that matter the most inside of me. For years i have kept them hidden, or guarded inside me. Fearing that if i spoke too much or too often of these changes, that perhaps they would disappear or change the way that i saw them.

Fear is something that we all live with as well as change. We often fear great changes because the unknown factors in change are so great. Many of us let changes pass us by because we let the fear take over, and so we choose to do nothing. I too am guilty of this inaction when it comes to grabbing hold of change and letting life take me to places i am unfamiliar with. Even in not acting on or following change, we change. These changes can sometimes lead to greater things coming our way, or they can change the way that we see the place we are at and then question where we are at in life. By not taking a chance on change, we direct our life onto a different path. And that could be the greatest change of all, the non-change, change.

I have learned a lot about myself by letting life change all around me. I've leapt into the change head first, and i've also sat back and changed with my inactions. Some of my greatest adventures were when i jumped in head first and let the change take over me. Other times, i regret pushing changes to come my way. Especially when my wanting change effected other people in my life.

This blog {name change} is a change for me. Pushing into my 36th year of life next month, i have been starting to take a long hard look at where i am and where i want to be at in my life. i have a lot to say on many subjects, but i often hide behind the mask of the internet. Mostly fearing who might be reading what i have to say online. And truly, there are those that i do not want in my life or reading what i have to say on a personal level. From now on, when i write in blog form... i will avoid the over personal and just speak my mind in a way that leaves much to the imagination of who i am, or what i am trying to get across to those who do not know me {or even those who do know me, or perhaps just those who think that they know me}.

*Note* entries before this day were written on my previous blog, Swing Carousel.

i really like birds, but only in drawings

today is still full of yesterdays problems and wonderings,
but tomorrow is still a day ahead of today
and a happy change is sure to come our way!

What do you deserve to get?

In watching the news today, i became pretty upset at what i was seeing in the world.

1. Icelandic people protesting and screaming at their government.

2. Plane crash victims "demanding" and "suing" for FREE upgrades to 1st class for LIFE and monetary amounts far beyond what they should get; all for an ACCIDENT! They are LUCKY to be alive and should be thanking GOD, not complaining.

3. People who don't deserve a HUGE bonus got a bonus worth more then any average American will plan to make in their lifetime.  Not to mention we just bailed out their company from going under, they should be lucky to have a job.

4. The Exxon Mobile company (and other oil co.) posted their earnings for last year and they are still complaining their BILLIONS are not enough for them and giving a "poor us" attitude because the price of gas is below $2.00 a gallon.

I do not consider myself an overly educated person or someone who often knows what the heck she is talking about. But what i do know is people.  And i am starting to dislike most people for their "i deserve it all" attitude, and i have lost most of my faith in my fellow humans to just be good people.

I am sitting here looking around my living room.  I know that by next month the couch will be sold, the desk, the shelf, the apothecary CD holder, the bench, and the love seat... oh yes, and the big screen TV, all will be sold and gone.  I know that the only way for us as a family to really make it is to move on.  I'm not going to sit back and stick my head in the sand and cry.  And i am certainly not going to just expect someone to bail me out and take care of us.  We are the makers of our own destiny.  And i for one am not going to just sit here and feel sorry for myself and then expect someone to just fix my life for me!

So, what do you deserve?  What do you expect to get if you aren't willing to make an effort?  And if something "bad" comes your way, are you going to expect to get something out of it, OR will you just understand that life isn't always fair and pick YOURSELF up, dust yourself off and make YOUR life better without asking for a handout.

i really keep hoping for a real change, and i feel sorry for those who voted for Obama thinking he was the "change".  One man can not change the world... and one man can not change this country.  It will take the change in every man, woman, and child.  An effort towards a better life, a happier life, and a more grateful life.  So today, be grateful for all of the things that you have.  Love your spouse, love your children, love your moments.  Don't expect everything to be perfect and just to automatically be done for you.  Create your own destiny, and while you are creating your destiny, be sure to help those around you find their destiny so we can all live in a better world.