bring on the rain of today, it's what i've been saving for, right?

saving for a rainy day use to be a term used a lot when i was a kid. We had a "swear jar" and we had piggy banks and everything. i have been saving for a new camera for over a year now, but that money keeps moving into other funds {like putting food on the table} and i'm just waiting for the rain {needs} to stop so i can save up for that new shiny camera. While i'm waiting, i do enjoy a rain photo, so here are a few for you to enjoy too!

toilet paper - a metaphor for life?

i sat down to use the bathroom this morning, as does every good person on this planet - so get your head out of the gutter! ;-) but as i went to grab the toilet paper, i noticed that there was hardly any left on the roll. Normally i like to use a nice amount - not over doing it, but a nice amount. i remembered that this was close to the same amount that was on it last night and how i only grabbed a tiny amount to use. i also only used a tiny amount this morning because i knew it was the last roll in our bathroom - something i noticed last night too!

but it got me thinking about how in life when we have an abundance of something, we use it like it will never end - but when we have very little of something, we are careful and use only what we truly need.

when we lived in the mid-west, my husband had a good job making lots of money. We spent lots of money on material things. for example in the 10 years we lived in our home, we owned no less than 4 sets of couches. We purchased them somewhat "cheap" and when we didn't want them anymore, we donated them to charity and purchased new ones. We took our money for granted. Currently we live in California, my husband is unemployed and i am working for penny's by writing. We purchased a very cheap IKEA love seat when we moved out here, it is horrible! We have made due with this couch, and will keep making it work for longer than we would have in the past.

The same goes for food. We use to spend $200 a week on groceries. You saw that right, $200 a WEEK. We had no problem buying a 12 pack of soda for $8.00. heck, if hubby wanted a soda we would have paid $8 for one can! We did not truly think about our money, because we new it was there - so we used it. Now that we are scrimping and saving every-single-penny (i use to say to the cashier "keep the 'change' i hate change weighing down my purse..." or i would give the coins to a bucket or a person near me - this makes me kind of sad to think how little i cared about our hard earned money!) but we are now saving like crazy to get our old life back. Our grocery budget is $200 a MONTH now. i am quickly learning about just how many meals i can make using Ramen noodles (not the sauce packet though, too much MSG!) and anything else i can find cheap.

It is hard for me to think about going back to a way of life where material objects were owned. We rent movies now instead of purchasing them, although there are a few that we do purchase. We use to spend somewhere in the neighborhood of $100-200 a week sometimes on purchasing movies. My Husband was a "collector" of movies. Before we moved, we donated them out to all of our friends. We also only purchase iTunes music to not own the actual CD. i admit to being a "collector" of music, but before we moved i too donated away all of my music collection except for a select few. We use the Library instead of buying books - i had a nasty book habit - and probably more than half of the books purchased were never even read, i just bought a book to buy a book! We buy electronic books if we can to avoid having the actual book just sitting on shelf when we are done.

We down-graded our entire life to make the move out here easier... and as i look around we have kept doing this as we have lived here. We are not perfect, we still purchase things that we feel we need or perhaps we just want; however, instead of material things like movies, music and books, we now purchase things like hiking boots so that we can hike in safety - Or canteen's so when we hike we aren't using plastic water bottles - Or we purchase a basketball to go out and play - Or we purchase produce from the farmers market that is a little more expensive than the regular market, but we know that it means more to us because we get to know the people who grew it and we are contributing back to the local industry. Plus the farmers market is a great way to spend the day having family time. Or we might spend the little extra money that we have each month in buying an all day pass to a hiking park or a museum to give back to the local community. It gives us a sense of family and a sense of community. And both are far better feelings than buyers remorse after you spent your entire weeks paycheck on something frivolous like fancy clothes or a bunch of movies/music/books that will just sit on a shelf. i am truly happy for the lifestyle changes that took place when we made the move to California.

No, it is not a perfect world that we live in - and i would never claim to be perfect. today i am just happy to have taken notice of the little things in life that truly matter to me personally and i am glad that i am able to share it with the world via this blog.

Haiti and our borders beyond...

*Please note, all images below are linked to their original source so that you can read the stories that go along with them.
** Please note, this is my opinion of how i think it should be, feel free to disagree, but you aren't going to change my mind.

Yesterday i felt angry and very sad towards a couple people that i know. I understand their words were not meant to spark negative feedback, and both of these women are amazing moms and women! But it got me thinking, if two people felt this way "it's great that people are donating to help in Haiti, but what about all the people here in America that need aid?" then perhaps there are more Americans thinking the exact same thing. This makes me very sad.

i am of the mindset that we are not just a nation of The United States of America - we are a world nation. ONE world ONE love! It is not that i do not support American charities and all the wonderful things that they do, but here in America we have a very large scaled government with ways to help every single MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD (even pets!). Certainly there are times when people fall through the cracks in this country... but opportunity is there for any person who seeks the help and guidance of our well established government. Could it be more, of course. But this isn't really about our government at the moment... what i am shocked about is that people can coldly turn a blind eye to the rest of the world because they think it doesn't matter. it DOES MATTER!

Charity: water
My first time coming across this charity - it brought tears to my eyes. If you want water, what do you do? You quite simply, turn on the tap water in your kitchen, bathroom, if need be an outside faucet, or if you are out an about there are clean water drinking fountains on just about every street corner or inside of every building. But what if you had to walk miles every single day to get drinking water. Now what if that water was like what you see in the image above? It baffles the mind to think that an element found on over 71% of this planet - and millions of people do not have access to clean drinking water. I'm not talking about during the aftermath of a disaster like in Haiti or even Katrina, i am talking about every single day of their life and their children's life. Being born in America you are already blessed by not only FREEDOM but having basic needs of life at your fingertips each and every day of your life.


Doctors without Borders
The image above is a refugee camp in Thailand. Imagine if your country kicked you out because of your religious belief or because you didn't belong for some random reason - or because of a natural disaster. You would be forced at gunpoint to stay in a refugee camp. No other country wants you, and your own country will not take you back. You are stuck. Now imagine you are sick or your child is sick. The camps are less than sanitary! You can not leave to go to a doctor, so what do you do? With help from the UN, UNICEF, and Doctors without Borders these people will get medical help. Not to mention food and clean drinking water. Do you honestly think a refugee camp would ever be set up inside of the USA? Hell no. We would find a way to get every single man, woman, and child into a safe living condition. This kind of atrocity happens around the world all the time. There are millions of people in refugee camps as i type this in Haiti and other parts of the world.

***
the following images are from on the ground in Haiti. If you can look at these images and still think people in the US need our help & money more than those in greater need elsewhere on this planet, then there is nothing more i can do for you. It is sad to think anyone can see the issues that plague our planet and still think "help me/us first".

my God, just imagine if this was your grandmother!
Pray for those not only in our own country, but all over the world each and every day!



ONE world, ONE love!

things which are missing

i often think about and talk about the things i miss from back home. a person, an item, a place, a scent, a feeling, or even a way of life. the end of september is getting closer and closer. most people probably let the end of september come and go without much thought to it bringing on so much stuff in their life. For me September means so many things. The end of summer, the beginning of my favorite time - fall, The Feast, changing leaves, taking Claire on Pumpkin patch visits with my mom, apple orchards, the smells of fireplaces starting up as the air gets colder, the air getting colder and having that first hint of snow mixed inside of the breeze, carving pumkins, painting pumpkins, cooking pumkin seeds, the taste of pumkin pie (i'm going to totally miss that this year with the new allergy to cinnamon!), and my list could go on and on and on.

The months end will be here before we know it. And with it brings on another choice of WHAT do we do? We aren't quite ready to pack it all up and move back just because we miss a few things. They will always be there for when we do go back. But we are not financially able to continue on this path without jobs. i've had no luck. Michael has had no luck. we are almost to the point of living in the streets. this fact scares me to the core.

Michael quite literally lucked into taking a class for FREE (the kind people pay $2,000 a class for!). We are hoping that this will help in landing him a job once he passes the test that goes along with the course. The sad, scary, news is that everyone (but 2) in his class are unemployed. One guy (who is employed) mentioned that his company put up a job on Monster last week and they had over 300 people apply already. It was a low paying position that was only going to last for 3 months and they had CEO's and Presidents of former companies applying. It doesn't seem like it at times, but it truly is just that bad out there when you really need a job.

If we moved home next week, we would not have enough money to pay a down deposit to even rent a place. If we stay here and still are unable to find work, the money will only last until the end of October. In that case, we have no money to move back home with... and we can not even pay the breaking the lease fee. Quite literally we would be out on our butts.

The cold hard facts panic me, but then i think of how there are people who are already on the streets. i at least still have a short time before i am in that position. i pray for those who couldn't make it work, and i pray that we do not end up in that same situation. i think about people who have been seeing harder times for longer than we have and i pray that they find a way out too.

sometimes the panic turns to anger which quickly turns to tears because i feel guilty for feeling like i feel. i'm not alone so i feel bad for thinking of only how we are dealing with all of this. the husband keeps saying "charity starts at home..." and reminds me when i give $1.00 to the ladies sitting outside the stores collecting money... but i can't help myself. i know, i'm a sucker! but even if i were laying in a gutter, i would still give someone else my last penny. but alas, i am almost in this imaginary gutter... so perhaps he is right, maybe i should stop being so giving and protect what is mine? i still like to think i am right ;-)

on a much brighter note, it is raining outside! i have not seen the rain since July. You do not realize that you truly can miss something so much until you no longer have it in your life. Claire and i ran downstairs, and i'm sure looked like total idiots to the neighbors, but we danced in the rain for a bit. it's times like that, i truly just miss home.

How much it all costs

Oh Martha, oh Christmas... oh wait, that is from the Grinch movie!  But still... how i love the Martha Stewart Magazines!  With each magazine costing 4.99 per month.  On average i spent 9.98 a month on Martha Stewart Magazines. ($119.76)

Print Magazine *drool* I can't believe i gave up this magazine.  Oh the things we do for the better life! This is my all time favorite magazine, all time favorite!  Anyone in the graphic world or even if you just enjoy getting inspiration from art, this magazine is awesome!  This magazine was $10 a month for me.  And twice a year there was a very special issue that was 39.00 for just the one magazine.  Yes, i know... all for paper! ($198.00)

Oh ok, you can stop the hating people for loving Starbucks.  You have to give credit to this company for packaging their drinks in their wonderful traveling cups and pretty things.  They knew what they were doing, and now other places are jumping on board. McDonalds, Duncan Doughnuts, etc.  They know that the coffee industry is HUGE, we're all addicted.  Now here is my spending.  On average 3 times a week. My Tall ice tea (sweetened) is 1.71.  And that worked out to be 20.52 per month.  If you add on the Starbucks trips that i took Claire with me, which is once a week you would have to add on 19.20 per month for her tall hot chocolate and her treat food of a cookie or other item. (246.24 + 230.40 =$476.64)

These are me...these are things that i have gotten use to being my normal spending each month.  No more.  January changed everything.  It changed the way i look at every purchase i make.  I use to consider my magazines to be like books.  I read them, i reread them, and i shelved them in nice containers.  I would get pissy if someone bent the corners of my pages at all.  If you tossed my magazines around like they were just disposable, i wasn't a happy camper.  But i had to weed out my favorite magazines to move with me.  And most of them were donated to people i know, but i also know that they will read them and toss them and eventually they will end up in a landfill.  So i have quit. Cold turkey (OH MY HOW HARD IT HAS BEEN!).  And i have not purchased a magazine for 2 solid months.  

I got a gift card for $50 on Christmas day for Starbucks.  It still has 28.00 on it.  Wow, 28 whole dollars!  It seems like nothing, but for me... it is the world of tea at my finger tips, but only when i am really in a pure desire of needing a tea.  I had to cut out taking Claire to get her 2.85 tall Hot Chocolate, and Target gives you a cookie for free.... for FREE! if you ask at the pastry counter.  We have learned to just do without a lot these days.

A lesson in spending, sure.  A lesson in life, sure.  A lesson in being humble, for sure.  I feel silly even typing up this blog because it is silly to feel deprived of a magazine or a Starbucks drink.  People are doing without clean water on this planet, and i'm sitting here complaining that i had to cut back on my Starbucks spending!  How dare i!  

The hard truth is to realize that this spending is on WANTS and not NEEDS.  I could add so much more into this posting, but i picked the top 3 things that i miss the most in our cut backs.  If you were to add up all of the numbers in () you would get a total of...$794.40.  That is almost a thousand dollars on things that i do not need at all.  

I really desire a macro lens for my camera, a tele lens for my camera... these are not needs, but if i had these lenses i could take my photography to another level and i could perhaps actually learn more, and even start selling images?  It is a dream to one day purchase a better camera with better lenses, but i never have the money to invest.  The one lens is $500.00.  All i have to do is put the unspent money for Starbucks and magazines in a jar and i would have that money in less than 1 year!  Something i never stopped to think about.

We all do it. We all spend a little here and a little there on things that are disposable and not NEEDS.

So today, i challenge you to do the same.  Take an item that you love, but that you do not need to survive.  Give it up.    Let me know how that goes for you too :o)

i just can't say it enough...

Less is so much more!

article 5 things you think will make you happy (but won't) it is written on a comedy magazine website, but it is far from humor.  If you take the time to read it, it will make you sit up and think.  Sorry, it is a comedy website and the link was given to me by a friend, there are curse words in there... be for warned! 

That article puts a much finer point on some of how i feel today. 

"if i own all of these movies and our collections complete...."

"if i own as much music as i see that person owning..."

"if only i could have all of this pretty paper...."

"if only i had those shoes like her..."

"when i have a bigger house i will be happier..."

I could list out so many thoughts that have filled my head over the years.

desires. wants. wishes. 

The truth is, i had the huge movie collection... yet i could never find anything to watch!  i had the complete collection of Music CD's... hundreds of CD's!  But i still only seemed to play my 4 favorite CD's when i wanted to listen to music.  I had hundreds of pieces of "pretty" paper, it all sat in a drawer and only on a rare occasion did i use it.  I wanted to create cards just like this blog girl i followed, the fact is it was an illusion of want.  I had the pretty shoes just like "her", they hurt like heck!

I've been trying to put into words, this feeling of "relief".  This feeling of "freedom".  It is something i wish i could convey into words.  I had it all, and i gave it all away.  I do not miss it. I do not want it.  I do not even know why i ever wanted it all.  It is this feeling of, wow... what really matters to me in this life, i can not buy it at a store.  I can not ever have the exact same life as someone else.  This is who i am, these things i have are all mine and no one else can have what i have in my life.  No matter how much i purchase, i will always be who i am.... and that is OK!

Today i went through boxes that have been out in our garage for at least 5 years.  I had not gone through them since they were packed up and put outside.  I had no idea what was inside of them.  Most of it went straight into the trash.  Old magazines i kept for dumb reasons.  But i came across a box... i almost threw it straight into the trash because it looked like something dumb.  But i stopped myself... i took a second attempt to toss it... again, i paused and then sat it in front of me to look into in a minute.  When i looked inside, it was the stuff i had been looking for!  It was my baby cast from when i was born and they broke my foot.  It was my glass baby ducky with the toothbrush!  It was several other small things of mine from when i was a baby!  I must have sounded and looked like a complete idiot to Michael, but i almost cried i was so happy to find these things.  My past, my life, the only things from my childhood that i have left.  Things that actually made me who i am today and it made me remember the things about myself that i once had hold of.... it made me remember how far off course i have gotten from who i use to want to become.  

This move has done so many things, but most importantly... it has given me a whole new way of looking at everything i have in my life.  It has given me a greater understanding of just how much our society wastes on purchasing JUNK.  how much time and effort i myself have wasted on these things that are not needed to provide any means of happiness in life.  They are just time wasters, things to satisfy the need of NOW.  There is so much more to life than the things that fill up our homes.  The things that fill our hearts and minds are so much more important.