Growing up and changing the people we hang with

Ellie on Cougar Town

Do you ever watch a movie or a TV show and feel like you could almost be watching your own life in some small ways? I can relate to several TV characters, but a few of them i kind of don't like that i relate to them. It would be nice if i was exactly like Mary Poppins or Laura Petrie... but i'm not. Although i do have an overly perky side, that side is more like Monica on Friends or Liz Lemon on 30 Rock. It doesn't come out that often and when it does it comes off as a bit spazish.

One of our favorite TV shows is Cougar Town. We were watching THIS episode the other night on hulu.com and Claire said, "you're kind of like Ellie, mom." At first i was like, "what the what?!" because Ellie is a mean spirited person who lives to cut people down and says mean things to people's faces. And this is totally NOT who i am at all. I might make snide comments about people i do not like, but only to my husband and never to anyone else and certainly never to their face. So I inquired a bit more, and it wasn't because Ellie was mean, but it was because Ellie cuts people out of her life when she no longer likes them.

This made me think... is it wrong to cut people out of your life when things go wrong? I for one think it makes life much more pleasant. It is much easier to spend your time with people you love, then people you just have to tolerate because they annoy or offend you. So i guess in this way, i am just like Ellie.

But the thing about cutting a friend out of your life is this... if you have mutual friends or people who know that you were friends with a certain person, you always get that question, "hey, do you ever talk to {insert name of friend here}? how are they?" To which you can either answer: a. No. and leave it at that. b. no, have you? OR C. Nope, they were a cold hearted bitch, so i cut them out of my life.

The problem with friendships breaking up is that most people in society think it is wrong. That friends should last forever and bend over to make the friendship work. Unlike boyfriend breakups, with those you just have to say "we broke up" and most people will just tell you they are sorry and let it go. Some might dig deeper and ask why, but you normally just have to say, "he was a tool" and they will agree and move on. But with friendships, people don't understand when you say you moved on or grew apart or even when you say that the person was a user. They always will say, "oh, i'm sure you can still work things out. you guys were such good friends" As if to say it is OK to have a continued hurting if it is a friendship, because again... friendships are suppose to last forever.

Ok, i'm putting out there people who i have cut out of my life and the reasons why. Just like Ellie did in the end of that episode:

pre school:

1. her mom wouldn't let her play with Barbies, because her mom was a feminist. so i didn't have her over for play dates anymore. i was 4, and i liked playing with barbies.

elementary school:
none.

jr high:
none.

high school:
1. turned her back on me when i was dealing with being Anorexic and also sided with my ex-boyfriend when he was stalking me and making my life hell.

2. same as 1 + she was a horrible liar and gossip who had her head stuck far up 1's ass.

college:
none.

adult:
1. 100% crazy. she stalked a guy i was working for. When i found out i confronted her and she went off the deep end. At the time i had a 3 year old, and i didn't need a crazy lady in my life.

2. pushy, clingy, and the more i learn, she's a bit off her rocker.

3. i was lied to a lot and felt like i was being used on many, many occasions.

If i were to compare that list with boyfriends that i dated {during the same span of my life} and then cut out of my life... the boyfriends by far beat out the friends. But it is perfectly acceptable in society to remove a boyfriend from your life once things go wrong. It is not however seen as perfectly acceptable to remove a friend. No matter how crazy they were or how much your feelings were being hurt... people still place a negative spin on removing friends.

what do you think? is it unacceptable to cut a person out of your life when they are your friend? Or should you just smile and keep up appearances for the sake of society telling you to do so? I think life is way too short to put up with dealing with people if they aren't on your side. If they do not truly have your back, or if they only see an opportunity in you... to use you for something other than friendship - then cut them out and don't worry about what society thinks. If it is a small squabble or things can actually be mended... then mend them. Figure out for yourself if your time is better spent with people you enjoy and enjoy you back or if it is better to just put on a fake smile and put up with people who you do not enjoy. In the end, the choice really is yours.

i happily take the persona of Ellie when it comes to living life for me, and not to please society's socially acceptable lifestyle choices.

a generation lost inside of technology advancement

Not too long ago in our history families lived together. If not together in the same house, they most often lived close by one another. They relied on each other to survive and to thrive as a unit. Children knew their grandparents as more than someone they saw a few times a year {or once every few years}. They knew to respect their elders. They understood that with age comes wisdom and with that wisdom should come respect. With age comes more responsibility until a certain age and then age meant enjoying time with family.

I am always aware of my surroundings. I notice who is near me, behind me, in front of me, etc. If i notice an elderly person looking at an item that is on the top shelf of the store, i will go up to them and ask them if they need help getting an item down. Most of the time they are gracious and will make a joke about not being as young as they use to be. I always hold the door open for someone who is older than me {younger than me too}. Ok, i pretty much hold the door for anyone i see walking in behind me.

Whenever i help an elderly person my kid will ask me, "do you know that person?" to which i will say, "nope." and then she will respond, "oh. then why did you help them?" and i will explain to her that it is polite to help those who are elderly.

We have engrained in our children "Stranger Danger!" and they have taken it to the extreme. There is a valuable lesson in explaining to them to not talk to or trust strangers, but it also means they will never communicate with pretty much anyone they do not know. They will never help anyone, or take a chance to be overly nice to people they do not know. They are, for lack of a better word, afraid.

On a whole, most children of this generation have minor relationships with their grandparents. There are a few lucky ones who will spend time making lasting memories with their grandparents on a simpler level doing things that mean more than just seeing them for a few minutes at a time during the holidays. Unfortunately most children will come to know their grandparents through the use of technology. And admittedly i am glad for the technologies that we have now, but i think that it does harm family relationships...

People do not get together like they use to because they see every second of someone's life on Facebook and/or Twitter. If you know every detail of your families life, what is the point in getting together with them to "catch up" all the time? When you do get together it isn't very exciting to share news, because they already know the news. And yes, there are pros and cons to letting people keep up with you online. They are able to be more in your life then perhaps they were before. Families are busy and the use of online communications is a big help for making sure everyone knows everything at the same time. My main issue is the grandparents keeping up with the grandkids with the use of FB. It just seems un-natural to me on certain levels.

Kids should communicate with their grandparents, this is true, but the way they communicate has changed to a way that i do not agree with. I appreciate that grandparents are trying to keep up with the younger generation, but i do not recall my grandparents calling me up on the phone to "chat" when i was growing up. On a birthday or holiday we might have passed the phone around for a few seconds at a time to say hello to the ones that lived out of state... but on a whole we communicated during visits. We would sit down and have a long talk to catch up. It was laid back, it was fun and it was memorable. Now that the grandparents know every detail of the grandkids lives from online social communities.... what's to talk about come visit time?

nothing. there is nothing left to really talk about. which makes the visits less interesting for the kids, less memorable, and they feel less of a close relationship with their grandparents.

This is one of the main reasons i gave up Facebook. Everyone knew my entire life, my daily life, my minute-by-minute life, and all the news i had to share. There was no joy in telling people things anymore. And it turned visits with people into kind of boring trips of just sitting around. The same goes for photos. i use to print out my photos and take albums and sit and talk about what things were in my albums. Now people just go online and see everyones photos and it just isn't the same.

times are changing, and although i enjoy these changes for myself, i think it is changing the dynamics of the family... and not at all for the better. The generation of our children being born today - the last 15 years are being lost in the online world. And the generation of their grandparents are being lost because of a lack of real, and lasting communications with their children and grandchildren.

The age of beauty

image taken by Rachel Devine

Remember that age where you didn't see beauty?  

Remember when your best friend had bright orange hair, millions of freckles, and you wanted to look just like her, so you drew little dots on your face to look just like her...

Remember when you wore whatever shoes you wanted, heck forget about the shoes just ran out the door to go play!  

Remember when you did your own hair and dressed yourself at age 4 and all of your little friends thought you looked "beautiful"...

Remember when you would just say the word fart and you would giggle for 10 minutes... someone might "tinkle" in their undies... all from laughing so hard about a silly word!

Remember looking past who your new friend at the park had for a parent/family, and just went running around having a great time...

Remember not caring or even understanding what religious affiliation your friend had, you just had a blast playing with them and only noticed they were different than you at Christmas, but honestly it did not even make a difference because she was your friend no matter what her faith was....

Remember the joy of just having these kinds of friends who loved you just for the fact that you were the same height, age, and playing in the same play area that they were...

***

I've been struggling with the issue that, people on a whole, bug me! lol  Once you become an adult the innocent life of having a friend flies out the window.  People take notice of your appearance, the church you attend, the car you drive, the purse you carry, the shoes you wear, the people you know, and all aspects of your life.  I often long for the days where meeting new people was as easy as going to a park, running around from the swings to the slide and someone just joining in with you and just for that day... they were your bested friend ever.  

Imagine going up to a stranger as an adult... your in the store shopping, you see they are buying Organic too, you strike up a conversation with them over it and then follow them around and do your shopping together.  Uh, if someone did that i would call security on them! lol  It isn't as easy to meet new people once you are out of school.  Your guard goes up and strangers are just that... strangers.  They are no longer "potential friends".  It takes an effort to get to know someone and call them, friend.

I don't have many friends because i consider myself very private and i like to keep to myself and keep my personal family a bit private.  But the friends that i have made here in this town are the ones i have built the last 15 years of my life with here.  I know that i will not build friendships right away once we move, but i am starting to feel that feeling of... fear?.... wondering?... emotional pulling? (words are escaping me for how i feel exactly) how will i deal with day to day things when i do not know anyone where we are moving that i can just call up.  I have my brother and his new wife, but she only speaks a little English.  And my brother and i are close, but not BFF's.  It will be a new experience, knowing no one that i can just turn to to ask a question about the local life.

My new best friend... the Tom Tom GPS system!!  I wonder if it has a sexy male voice or am i stuck only with the "sexy" female voice on that thing ;-)