love is in the air.

sometimes in the mix of battle,

the battle of just everyday life stuff,
we forget to show love to those who are there for us.

Go on, shower someone with love today.
someone that doesn't get to hear it too often,
but should hear it from time to time.

i really like birds, but only in drawings

today is still full of yesterdays problems and wonderings,
but tomorrow is still a day ahead of today
and a happy change is sure to come our way!

thoughts of today

* mystified by you *
why are you so nice
why are you so vile
you love me, adore me
then you take advantage... of me

i wish my smile was enough for this
i wish you could figure me out
i wish i could figure you out
i wish you'd never forget... me

when i say this
it is without you
before you, i knew not of you
slowly i already have forgotten... you

miss me if you want to
i will not be there for you
give me a call if you want to
i will not answer for... you

no more... for you
nothing else is for you
forget that i ever knew you
like you've forgotten... me.

***
i find life most interesting these days.
the distance from me to everyone that i use to know.
i use to enjoy seeing so many people.
i think distance brings out the people you never knew would be there for you,
and it shows you the people who you didn't realize would drop you.

**
i use to write for the sake of writing.
i would see something, someone, anything at all...
and i would write about it (like above)
i stopped because people thought everything was about ME.
guess what, not everything is about you and certainly not everything is about me.

*
selfish thoughts of today -
1. i wish i had loads of money to buy music. i miss buying music the most.
2. i wish i had a maid. i've never had one, but i think i'd enjoy having one.
3. i wish i had money to just go, be where i wanted to be.
4. i wish Michael could get a job, not only for money but because sometimes i need SPACE!
5. i wish i could bring my car back to me, tomorrow.

stuck

Stuck

what if we do not feel like talking.
what if today, we feel like we look
despite the truth that deep inside
we are fluffy and beautiful
outside we feel like we are ugly.
and so we just want to seek alone time.

what if despite needing to talk
we just do not feel like talking.
lost in our own thoughts
and imaginations
we just want to be left alone.

not out of self pity.
not out of despair.
not out of anger.
just out of necessity.

today was one of those days. i did not feel much like myself. despite having to be thrown in the mix of company. despite having to share my work space, my computer, my normal flow. despite having to be surrounded by talkers... i myself did not feel like talking! it happens. not often. but from time to time, i just want to be alone with my thoughts and let the process of these thoughts take hold and learn from what i am thinking.

on days like today... being alone is not a negative, but a positive. it makes me feel better. it makes me whole again. when i do not get the desired quality of alone time, i tend to get a tad cranky by bed time. so i often go to "bed" early to seek out the alone time i was needing the entire day long.

so good night and sleep well, dream of wonderful places!

write me a letter, send it by postman

it strikes me as odd that people do not write from the heart as they use to long ago. once upon a time is not how stories begin anymore. fairy tales are something we tell our very young, and as they grow up into adolescents we tell them that there is no such thing as real fairy tales... that girls don't really get to marry a prince, or kiss the frog that turns into the handsome prince. we then grow up and lose sight of such writings and begin to read about the horrors on the daily news websites. we also no longer sit down and write letters to the people that we love. we are even known to leave messages for our significant others on facebook/twitter/blog and call that communication in the form of a message.

there was a time when you did not announce your private love and affection for your significant other in the public like we do today. it was something you might speak of to a dear friend, but you did not openly write your love for your husband/wife/other on a street wall or post it in the local newspaper. the thought that people do this now on public forums like facebook/twitter/blogs makes me roll my eyes and laugh at the childish appearance of such an act.

i guess what i am getting at is this... is your love there for the public... or for you? would you think to write your lover a long note to display your admiration for them? or is a message of "your hot and i love you!" on their facebook/twitter/blog page how you express your love. is this what our world is coming to? the loss of an art form perfected so many years ago... the love letter!

***
they use to know how to write... they use to know how to love... i think maybe this is why the divorce rate is so high. people have forgotten how to show love... deep love.

My dearest Girl,
This moment I have set myself to copy some verses out fair. I cannot proceed with any degree of content. I must write you a line or two and see if that will assist in dismissing you from my Mind for ever so short a time. Upon my Soul I can think of nothing else - The time is passed when I had power to advise and warn you again[s]t the unpromising morning of my Life - My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving - I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. I should be afraid to separate myself far from you. My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit now to my love - You note came in just here - I cannot be happier away from you - 'T is richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threat me even in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could be martyr'd for my Religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet - You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist: and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often "to reason against the reasons of my Love." I can do that no more - the pain would be too great - My Love is selfish - I cannot breathe without you.

Yours for ever,
John Keats

a tiny piece of you...

i feel like a ticket,

that's never been used.

a piece of paper,

that you lose.

a wonderful melody,

that you let die.

a beautiful flower,

that you walk on by.

what am i to you?

so many bricks - it's hard to tear down

i have this wall around me...
it is tall enough that i can no longer see over it;
the years of attacks on my character
the pain of never knowing
the lack of love from so many
the sorrow of losing so much
the guilt of never letting go
the shame of a teenage disorder
the isolation of being all alone
the fear of letting in and getting hurt
the dangers that lurk outside my door
the twisted nature of the beast
the words that hurt forever
the door that never opens
the phone that never rings
the friend that never remembers
the love that has no voice
the way that it's suppose to be
the glares from across the room
the whispers that i hear
the voice that never speaks
the room that grows colder
the echos of the deep
the street that never ends
the visions of what if
the pain that i carry...
it never lets me escape this wall.