Growing up and changing the people we hang with

Ellie on Cougar Town

Do you ever watch a movie or a TV show and feel like you could almost be watching your own life in some small ways? I can relate to several TV characters, but a few of them i kind of don't like that i relate to them. It would be nice if i was exactly like Mary Poppins or Laura Petrie... but i'm not. Although i do have an overly perky side, that side is more like Monica on Friends or Liz Lemon on 30 Rock. It doesn't come out that often and when it does it comes off as a bit spazish.

One of our favorite TV shows is Cougar Town. We were watching THIS episode the other night on hulu.com and Claire said, "you're kind of like Ellie, mom." At first i was like, "what the what?!" because Ellie is a mean spirited person who lives to cut people down and says mean things to people's faces. And this is totally NOT who i am at all. I might make snide comments about people i do not like, but only to my husband and never to anyone else and certainly never to their face. So I inquired a bit more, and it wasn't because Ellie was mean, but it was because Ellie cuts people out of her life when she no longer likes them.

This made me think... is it wrong to cut people out of your life when things go wrong? I for one think it makes life much more pleasant. It is much easier to spend your time with people you love, then people you just have to tolerate because they annoy or offend you. So i guess in this way, i am just like Ellie.

But the thing about cutting a friend out of your life is this... if you have mutual friends or people who know that you were friends with a certain person, you always get that question, "hey, do you ever talk to {insert name of friend here}? how are they?" To which you can either answer: a. No. and leave it at that. b. no, have you? OR C. Nope, they were a cold hearted bitch, so i cut them out of my life.

The problem with friendships breaking up is that most people in society think it is wrong. That friends should last forever and bend over to make the friendship work. Unlike boyfriend breakups, with those you just have to say "we broke up" and most people will just tell you they are sorry and let it go. Some might dig deeper and ask why, but you normally just have to say, "he was a tool" and they will agree and move on. But with friendships, people don't understand when you say you moved on or grew apart or even when you say that the person was a user. They always will say, "oh, i'm sure you can still work things out. you guys were such good friends" As if to say it is OK to have a continued hurting if it is a friendship, because again... friendships are suppose to last forever.

Ok, i'm putting out there people who i have cut out of my life and the reasons why. Just like Ellie did in the end of that episode:

pre school:

1. her mom wouldn't let her play with Barbies, because her mom was a feminist. so i didn't have her over for play dates anymore. i was 4, and i liked playing with barbies.

elementary school:
none.

jr high:
none.

high school:
1. turned her back on me when i was dealing with being Anorexic and also sided with my ex-boyfriend when he was stalking me and making my life hell.

2. same as 1 + she was a horrible liar and gossip who had her head stuck far up 1's ass.

college:
none.

adult:
1. 100% crazy. she stalked a guy i was working for. When i found out i confronted her and she went off the deep end. At the time i had a 3 year old, and i didn't need a crazy lady in my life.

2. pushy, clingy, and the more i learn, she's a bit off her rocker.

3. i was lied to a lot and felt like i was being used on many, many occasions.

If i were to compare that list with boyfriends that i dated {during the same span of my life} and then cut out of my life... the boyfriends by far beat out the friends. But it is perfectly acceptable in society to remove a boyfriend from your life once things go wrong. It is not however seen as perfectly acceptable to remove a friend. No matter how crazy they were or how much your feelings were being hurt... people still place a negative spin on removing friends.

what do you think? is it unacceptable to cut a person out of your life when they are your friend? Or should you just smile and keep up appearances for the sake of society telling you to do so? I think life is way too short to put up with dealing with people if they aren't on your side. If they do not truly have your back, or if they only see an opportunity in you... to use you for something other than friendship - then cut them out and don't worry about what society thinks. If it is a small squabble or things can actually be mended... then mend them. Figure out for yourself if your time is better spent with people you enjoy and enjoy you back or if it is better to just put on a fake smile and put up with people who you do not enjoy. In the end, the choice really is yours.

i happily take the persona of Ellie when it comes to living life for me, and not to please society's socially acceptable lifestyle choices.