what's the rush?

Everyone is always in a big hurry.  People are constantly cutting me off when driving.  I get passed daily by parents who think taking their child to school is more of a rush than taking my daughter to school.  Everywhere you turn in life, people are running to get somewhere.  Even our government is rushing to pass laws and stimulus packages before they learn what it all means!

So i ask everyone this, What is the big Rush?

Stop.

Look.

Listen.

Learn.

If you race to get through your homework as a child, you will not learn the lesson very well.  

You will fail.  

If you race to get through your life, you will not learn any life lessons.  

You will fail.

I have this desire to just stop and look at life a lot.  I do not fly anywhere anymore.  Although, if it was an emergency, i would take a plane.  But getting somewhere takes time.  It is suppose to take time.  You are suppose to go along with the journey that is your life.  If you stop and watch your children play, you will learn about who they are as children.  Often times i see parents just glance over while their child is playing and then they go on about their life.  They did not notice that their baby put a choking hazard toy in their mouth... and they will not notice until it is too late and they fail as a parent.  They are often times oblivious that their child is the one pulling other children's hair, biting, stealing toys, and just being a bad playmate.  Eventually they will see that they have failed their child by going through their life and by raising their child too fast (or easy) so they can get back to living their fast paced life.

Stop.

Take notice of things that are around you.  Not only your children.  Your spouse, your mother, your father, your cousins, your Aunt, your uncle... your friend that you forgot about because life just got too busy to notice them anymore.  See the cashier who is working hard to ring up your groceries; bag your own groceries for her when you can see they are having a bad day.  Take notice of the person who let you cut over a lane on the highway.  Give them a wave, it won't hurt you... but it probably will make their day if you notice that they were nice to you. Take notice that your spouse is trying really hard to connect with your children even while you are too busy working on your career, your crafts, or your everyday life. Notice your life; good or bad at the moment... it is your life, notice what it is about.

Look.

Listen to your friends who take the time to call you.  Even if you do not answer the phone when they call.  Listen to their voicemail.  Hear the words they are saying.  Feel the words, and if you bother to call them back... take the time to call them back and hear the words that they are conveying to you about their life.  Make the things you hear mean something to you.  Don't only hear your voice talking back to them, hear the message beyond the message in what you are saying and what they are saying to you.  Give the sound a second to sink in when you are listening to the world.  Hear the cars, hear the birds, hear the sound of the washer, hear the way that the wind is moving your house during a rain storm.  Take advantage of a sense some have learned to live without.  Make the way you listen something that others notice about you... don't make it the thing they dislike about you.

Listen.

The most important thing about life, is learning.  I believe that we are put on this Earth to learn.  It isn't a popular belief, but i believe that we live again and again.  Until we learn all that our souls need to learn... we will keep living again and again.  You might not believe this, and that is OK.  Even if you are only learning for this 1 life time.  Learn something.

Learn.

Take advantage of today, tomorrow might need to be faster than yesterday.  Our children are only children for a short time.  When you miss something, you miss it forever.  There is no reset button.  There is no rewind button.  There is only PLAY.  Take your finger off of the FAST-FORWARD button and PLAY today in your life.

i just can't say it enough...

Less is so much more!

article 5 things you think will make you happy (but won't) it is written on a comedy magazine website, but it is far from humor.  If you take the time to read it, it will make you sit up and think.  Sorry, it is a comedy website and the link was given to me by a friend, there are curse words in there... be for warned! 

That article puts a much finer point on some of how i feel today. 

"if i own all of these movies and our collections complete...."

"if i own as much music as i see that person owning..."

"if only i could have all of this pretty paper...."

"if only i had those shoes like her..."

"when i have a bigger house i will be happier..."

I could list out so many thoughts that have filled my head over the years.

desires. wants. wishes. 

The truth is, i had the huge movie collection... yet i could never find anything to watch!  i had the complete collection of Music CD's... hundreds of CD's!  But i still only seemed to play my 4 favorite CD's when i wanted to listen to music.  I had hundreds of pieces of "pretty" paper, it all sat in a drawer and only on a rare occasion did i use it.  I wanted to create cards just like this blog girl i followed, the fact is it was an illusion of want.  I had the pretty shoes just like "her", they hurt like heck!

I've been trying to put into words, this feeling of "relief".  This feeling of "freedom".  It is something i wish i could convey into words.  I had it all, and i gave it all away.  I do not miss it. I do not want it.  I do not even know why i ever wanted it all.  It is this feeling of, wow... what really matters to me in this life, i can not buy it at a store.  I can not ever have the exact same life as someone else.  This is who i am, these things i have are all mine and no one else can have what i have in my life.  No matter how much i purchase, i will always be who i am.... and that is OK!

Today i went through boxes that have been out in our garage for at least 5 years.  I had not gone through them since they were packed up and put outside.  I had no idea what was inside of them.  Most of it went straight into the trash.  Old magazines i kept for dumb reasons.  But i came across a box... i almost threw it straight into the trash because it looked like something dumb.  But i stopped myself... i took a second attempt to toss it... again, i paused and then sat it in front of me to look into in a minute.  When i looked inside, it was the stuff i had been looking for!  It was my baby cast from when i was born and they broke my foot.  It was my glass baby ducky with the toothbrush!  It was several other small things of mine from when i was a baby!  I must have sounded and looked like a complete idiot to Michael, but i almost cried i was so happy to find these things.  My past, my life, the only things from my childhood that i have left.  Things that actually made me who i am today and it made me remember the things about myself that i once had hold of.... it made me remember how far off course i have gotten from who i use to want to become.  

This move has done so many things, but most importantly... it has given me a whole new way of looking at everything i have in my life.  It has given me a greater understanding of just how much our society wastes on purchasing JUNK.  how much time and effort i myself have wasted on these things that are not needed to provide any means of happiness in life.  They are just time wasters, things to satisfy the need of NOW.  There is so much more to life than the things that fill up our homes.  The things that fill our hearts and minds are so much more important.

What do you deserve to get?

In watching the news today, i became pretty upset at what i was seeing in the world.

1. Icelandic people protesting and screaming at their government.

2. Plane crash victims "demanding" and "suing" for FREE upgrades to 1st class for LIFE and monetary amounts far beyond what they should get; all for an ACCIDENT! They are LUCKY to be alive and should be thanking GOD, not complaining.

3. People who don't deserve a HUGE bonus got a bonus worth more then any average American will plan to make in their lifetime.  Not to mention we just bailed out their company from going under, they should be lucky to have a job.

4. The Exxon Mobile company (and other oil co.) posted their earnings for last year and they are still complaining their BILLIONS are not enough for them and giving a "poor us" attitude because the price of gas is below $2.00 a gallon.

I do not consider myself an overly educated person or someone who often knows what the heck she is talking about. But what i do know is people.  And i am starting to dislike most people for their "i deserve it all" attitude, and i have lost most of my faith in my fellow humans to just be good people.

I am sitting here looking around my living room.  I know that by next month the couch will be sold, the desk, the shelf, the apothecary CD holder, the bench, and the love seat... oh yes, and the big screen TV, all will be sold and gone.  I know that the only way for us as a family to really make it is to move on.  I'm not going to sit back and stick my head in the sand and cry.  And i am certainly not going to just expect someone to bail me out and take care of us.  We are the makers of our own destiny.  And i for one am not going to just sit here and feel sorry for myself and then expect someone to just fix my life for me!

So, what do you deserve?  What do you expect to get if you aren't willing to make an effort?  And if something "bad" comes your way, are you going to expect to get something out of it, OR will you just understand that life isn't always fair and pick YOURSELF up, dust yourself off and make YOUR life better without asking for a handout.

i really keep hoping for a real change, and i feel sorry for those who voted for Obama thinking he was the "change".  One man can not change the world... and one man can not change this country.  It will take the change in every man, woman, and child.  An effort towards a better life, a happier life, and a more grateful life.  So today, be grateful for all of the things that you have.  Love your spouse, love your children, love your moments.  Don't expect everything to be perfect and just to automatically be done for you.  Create your own destiny, and while you are creating your destiny, be sure to help those around you find their destiny so we can all live in a better world.

on the mend

I can still remember when this photo was taken... i had struggled with being anorexic for almost 2 years and had thought i had hidden it so well under baggie clothes and unspoken words.  This is me at age 15 eating a piece of cake at a birthday party.  A year earlier i would not have even touched the cake... or i would have moved it around on my plate and pretended to eat it and then tossed it aside acting like it was no big deal that i didn't eat the cake.  For me, this photo makes me look back with hate of how i treated myself those years before.  Even though in this image i am on the verge of getting myself better, i still hate to even look at it.  But in moving my stuff and preparing to move to California, i was going through a bunch of old CD's full of photos and came upon this photo.  I must have scanned it in for some reason, which now escapes me.  I thought i would post it and share a most hated time in my life... 18 years ago.

less is more

I have been trying to teach Claire about religions of the world through the years.  She has learned about every religion and how they work, what they worship, and etc.  Whenever someone asks her what her religion is, it has varied between the lessons of the years.  Recently she wanted to go back to learning about being Buddhist.  She had learned about it back when she was in 2nd grade.  The other day i was showing her a website (Buddha net) about some Buddhist teachings.  After reading it, she came to me in an understanding of what i had been telling her for days... "we don't "own" anything in our life... it belongs to the Earth in the end..." I had been trying to get her to donate her toys that are never played with to charity or friends or even goodwill.  She was having a hard time giving up anything.  No matter what i pointed at her answer was, "no, i need that."  I kept saying, "need or want?"  She wasn't sure how to answer that question, but would always say, "i think i need it" to which i always would give a laugh and a look to her.  But after i saw all of this lesson sink in to her, i went and read what i had already read years before, and i also came to realize that i too was trying to pack up and keep far more than i actually needed.

I have been going through every drawer, every cabinet and every shelf.  It is amazing the JUNK we keep.  I found knobs to dressers we no longer own,  but for some reason i kept the old knobs in a drawer.  I have found letters from friends that i have not heard from in several years,  and i have no reason to keep such a communication, but for some reason i felt the need to originally keep it.  There is so much stuff that is not needed!

Need.  It is a funny word.  We need food, but do we need the name brand expensive food?  We need clothes, but do we need a lot of clothes in our closet that we know we will never again wear because we forget that it is even there and when it comes time to need a certain shirt, we forget we have what we have and we buy something new anyway.   So do we need expensive clothes that will be forgotten about?  Do we need a closet (or two closets) full of clothes or just the basic clothing items of need?  We need certain things, a roof over our head, heat in the winter, food on the table, clothes on the body, and clean water.  There are i'm sure other needs, but those are the ones that come to my mind at the moment.  So as i sit here going through my many things, i have to make a choice; do i NEED that item to survive and to move out to California... or do i simply WANT the item.

Today i plan to go through the things i had already gone through with fresh eyes and see exactly what i NEED to keep and donate the things that i only want for one reason or another.

California? with a hair cut!

So California has warm weather, but not HOT weather.  We have my brother and his wife... and my favorite cousin and his family life there too.  California? Perhaps, could this be where we could go???

I was trying to grow out my hair until summer; mainly to donate to "locks of love"... but i could not take the stress of moving and the annoyance of my every growing hair.  So today i cut my hair off to help ease some of my "stress."

We told Claire after school that we are seriously discussing a move to California... she is full of mixed emotions.  Her main concern, where will her cat live?

Where to move?

The only reason we stay in Lafayette, Michael's job.

So now we are wondering where to move?  We are growing tired of all of the snow and cold.  I have ALWAYS wanted to live by a beach.  My entire life, i longed to live within 2 hours of a REAL beach.  Sure we go to Warren Dunes in Mi and there is a "beach" at the lake... but it just is not the same as walking down the beach, collecting rocks and sea shells and beach glass.  It is a feeling that since i was a very young child, i have longed for it.

We are looking at maps and avoiding areas that we just don't want to live near.  Florida is last on our list.  We are thinking of South Carolina... but we would know NO ONE and that is something that we could live with, but it would be nice to be near at least some person in our family or a close friend.  Now we are just pondering where to go?

California is on the table... and we have family there...