who our kids mimic.

Imitation is the best form of flattery, right?  But what do you do when your kids have role models that lead them down the wrong path?  I seriously doubt that there are any kids out there looking at a hobo and saying, "cool that will be me one day!"  But these days you have people like Hannah Montana, Sam and Carly (on i Carly), Alex (on Wizards of Waverly place), and the list goes on and on.  These are who our kids look up to, immolate and want to become one day.  They are played on channels like Disney and Nick who should have a "squeaky clean" image...  and should be playing more down to earth 7th heaven style children, but if you really sit down and watch the shows (the girls that my child watches, daily!) they are not good examples for growing up without having a major attitude.

I have been having issues with my 9 year old this entire school year.  It has been a slow progression to "attitude" and it was not until i had lunch the other day with a friend that it hit me, and boy is she right.  She has banned these shows from her home because of the way the kids act on the show.  So i sat and thought about how i grounded my child from practically everything she owns to try to combat the attitude this year.  But i had not really taken a look around at her environment to see if the problem could be found somewhere else. The majority of her friends are super sweet, so i couldn't pin-point any issue outside of just her giving attitude.

When i say attitude, i do not mean arguing and yelling and her being pure bad.  But when your child is 9 and giving you that *look* of "give me a break mom, don't tell me what to do" when instead they should be saying, "i'm sorry"... "i understand"... or anything else that should be coming out of their mouth and less about that look on their face.  There have been a couple of instances when she has gotten a little rude and snapped something not nice for her age.  Something i would expect from a 15 year old not a 9 year old.  And i am of the mindset that too many parents let their children walk all over them.  I have seen it so many times where the kids control the room all because the parent doesn't want to just take the time to be a parent... they want to remain in that "friend" roll. 

So Friday i banned the shows that have the teenage girls with their know-it-all attitude, their give me my way wording, and just bad examples.  We'll see how it works out in our home.

Love, glorious love!

Define Love: is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. The word love is both a verb and a noun. Love is not a single feeling but an emotion built from two or more feelings. Anything vital to us creates more than one feeling, and we also have feelings about our feelings (and thoughts about our feelings)[1]. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

I use to be more open to love.  At some point through my adult years, i was wounded to the point of closing off the idea of using "love" in any term to anyone outside of my family.  I tell my husband and my daughter i love them daily.  But if i sign an e-mail, i say "*peace*" or "thanks" and anything other then "love". 

I notice people using it when they send e-mails to me.  And it isn't that i do not care for these people... but "love"? I am not sure that i "love" my friends in the terms that i "love" my daughter or husband. Dare i use this word to just sign a very basic e-mail to someone?  Yesterday i tested this water of signing "love" on a message to a close friend who i care for.  I would do most anything for this person... but sign messages with "love"?  

Am i placing too much of a meaning on this word now?  I have read the definition... i do "love" most all people i know.  But i do not say it in those terms.  Can you imagine if you went up to a friend and said "i love you"? they would think you were a bit nuts!  As a kid i used the term very loosely, i loved everybody!  Even if i had just met you, i loved you.  Boy, that seems like a life time ago!

So through the years of getting to know people, loss, moving, becoming distant, etc.  The pain of this word "love" have taken their toll on my use of them.  It is not that i do not feel great admiration and care for the people in my life... i am just in a struggle to use the word "love" on an every day level.  perhaps i need help?

***

So, this morning... i grounded my child from the phone, the internet, video games, and all things that she finds "fun" in her life.  She is 9 and having some major attitude problems.  I have been giving in on so many things these days because my stress level just could not take the "fight".  And i think that she has taken advantage of it all. So today when her butt crack was hanging out of her pants when she bent over (yes it was a funny example to start with, but it turned to anger) i politely went over to her and gave her an example of how to squat down like a lady so that she did not show the world her butt crack (which included just explaining that a simple pulling up of her pants would also help).  She gave me this *look* of "shut up!" and got frustrated with me that i pointed it out and she just kind of blew up about this little issue.  

This is just one of many examples of her attitude these days.  So today, i broke it down for her and made her aware of how she has been treating myself and her dad.  I told her that all of the things she has in her life were gifts from us: having a phone - privilege.  Having a facebook - privilege.  having a blog - privilege.  All of the things that she comes home and runs to do and doesn't even ask permission anymore... these are all things that she will have to earn back with changing her way of talking and dealing with us (her parents).  All of this at age 9.  Boy, i can't wait for age 15!

**

having lunch with a "new" friend today.  I've known her for years, but we have only recently become more friendly.  Sure, i make friends just 3 months before we move away.

How much it all costs

Oh Martha, oh Christmas... oh wait, that is from the Grinch movie!  But still... how i love the Martha Stewart Magazines!  With each magazine costing 4.99 per month.  On average i spent 9.98 a month on Martha Stewart Magazines. ($119.76)

Print Magazine *drool* I can't believe i gave up this magazine.  Oh the things we do for the better life! This is my all time favorite magazine, all time favorite!  Anyone in the graphic world or even if you just enjoy getting inspiration from art, this magazine is awesome!  This magazine was $10 a month for me.  And twice a year there was a very special issue that was 39.00 for just the one magazine.  Yes, i know... all for paper! ($198.00)

Oh ok, you can stop the hating people for loving Starbucks.  You have to give credit to this company for packaging their drinks in their wonderful traveling cups and pretty things.  They knew what they were doing, and now other places are jumping on board. McDonalds, Duncan Doughnuts, etc.  They know that the coffee industry is HUGE, we're all addicted.  Now here is my spending.  On average 3 times a week. My Tall ice tea (sweetened) is 1.71.  And that worked out to be 20.52 per month.  If you add on the Starbucks trips that i took Claire with me, which is once a week you would have to add on 19.20 per month for her tall hot chocolate and her treat food of a cookie or other item. (246.24 + 230.40 =$476.64)

These are me...these are things that i have gotten use to being my normal spending each month.  No more.  January changed everything.  It changed the way i look at every purchase i make.  I use to consider my magazines to be like books.  I read them, i reread them, and i shelved them in nice containers.  I would get pissy if someone bent the corners of my pages at all.  If you tossed my magazines around like they were just disposable, i wasn't a happy camper.  But i had to weed out my favorite magazines to move with me.  And most of them were donated to people i know, but i also know that they will read them and toss them and eventually they will end up in a landfill.  So i have quit. Cold turkey (OH MY HOW HARD IT HAS BEEN!).  And i have not purchased a magazine for 2 solid months.  

I got a gift card for $50 on Christmas day for Starbucks.  It still has 28.00 on it.  Wow, 28 whole dollars!  It seems like nothing, but for me... it is the world of tea at my finger tips, but only when i am really in a pure desire of needing a tea.  I had to cut out taking Claire to get her 2.85 tall Hot Chocolate, and Target gives you a cookie for free.... for FREE! if you ask at the pastry counter.  We have learned to just do without a lot these days.

A lesson in spending, sure.  A lesson in life, sure.  A lesson in being humble, for sure.  I feel silly even typing up this blog because it is silly to feel deprived of a magazine or a Starbucks drink.  People are doing without clean water on this planet, and i'm sitting here complaining that i had to cut back on my Starbucks spending!  How dare i!  

The hard truth is to realize that this spending is on WANTS and not NEEDS.  I could add so much more into this posting, but i picked the top 3 things that i miss the most in our cut backs.  If you were to add up all of the numbers in () you would get a total of...$794.40.  That is almost a thousand dollars on things that i do not need at all.  

I really desire a macro lens for my camera, a tele lens for my camera... these are not needs, but if i had these lenses i could take my photography to another level and i could perhaps actually learn more, and even start selling images?  It is a dream to one day purchase a better camera with better lenses, but i never have the money to invest.  The one lens is $500.00.  All i have to do is put the unspent money for Starbucks and magazines in a jar and i would have that money in less than 1 year!  Something i never stopped to think about.

We all do it. We all spend a little here and a little there on things that are disposable and not NEEDS.

So today, i challenge you to do the same.  Take an item that you love, but that you do not need to survive.  Give it up.    Let me know how that goes for you too :o)

D is for...

Don Pablo's!  Oh how we will miss this place.  (see above image)  This restaurant has this fun little quark, they take the toys that kids and people leave behind and then they "hide" them around the restaurant.  We really enjoy this little treat when we go out to eat, not to mention the really great food!

The world that we live in

One day we will own a car that will run on pure love.

One day that car will take us to far off places.

One day in the future there will be no gas stations.

but for today, we are teaching Claire how to use this tool.

***

Watching, listening, not completely understanding it all last night when our new President gave yet another speech.  He gives such grand speeches, but they hold little substance when i sit and listen.  Perhaps i am just not wanting to hear what he has to say because i think he is a smug a-hole that only became our current President due to his young age.  People followed him for whatever reason they followed him, but in the end they voted for someone who has NO experience in being a leader. (the other guy was not any better though) What the future holds, no one knows.  I hope, i pray, i wait, i listen; one day the future will unfold and we will all have the grand picture to look back on.  The best i can do, is to do my part in helping my family become more than what ails us today.  Move past the pressure to follow the nation on it's problem coat tails.  Make my life and the things that i do on a daily basis mean something to better not only my life, but that of a fellow American.  If i can create something, however small, that will change the world - then it is my duty as not only an American, but as part of the human race.  Do good today, do better tomorrow... do all that you can to make who you are better.  As a good friend said yesterday, "you are number 1".  She helped someone better their life, she felt good about helping.  She felt like a #1 and everyone should help others and feel that they are #1.  I'm not talking "ego" here, i'm talking about being helpful and that feeling of good all over that you get for doing something for someone else.  Just go out there, do good... do better! Just do.

**

Drugs are bad! Well, duh!  I've been watching the news about the border issue.  And it is kind of scary to watch what is going on in Mexico!  We have no real "border control" and it is pretty bad when you see how many millions "leak" over the southern border each year.  What happens if Mexico fails, the drug dealers take over and the citizens go where?  Here!  I do not fault them for wanting a better life.  I do not say, turn them all way.... but at what cost do we protect our border, our country from the evil drug dealers who want to do nothing but harm and kill innocent people? 

*

Kids grow up so fast and then have to learn life lessons. I remember when Claire thought that everything was truth.  No matter what you said, if you said it in the right way, she would believe anything. She has always had a kind heart and been a little "young" when it comes to life lessons.

 Yesterday she was having an issue with a friend and was discussing it with us.  She kept saying, "i don't get it... she's so nice, but she lies all of the time!"  How do you explain to a child that most people are bad.  They just are.  Almost everyone lies, and stretches the truth to make themselves look good.  And it is a hard lesson to learn. It is hard to see your friends who you think are the best ever, as people who are not honest.  I do everything in my power to never lie to anyone, for any reason.  There is very rare of an occasion to flat out lie to someone.  Bend the truth to get out of a dinner party you do not want to attend?  I've done it, we've all done that.  But flat out lie to someone about something silly, for me it has no purpose in life.  If you can not be yourself, if you can not be honest about everything, then there is something wrong with you and you should seek professional help.

The life of a Vegan Mother

We stopped off and got some fried chicken yesterday.  If i had to guess, i would say we've had this as a meal perhaps 3 times in the last 10 years.  I do not cook it because it is so bad for you!  I normally cook chicken breasts for dinner for Claire and Michael.  But yesterday was an eye opener for me and how i have raised my daughter...

Claire: Can i have an arm?

Michael: An arm? You mean a leg or a drumstick?

Claire: Drum what?

Michael: you know this piece *points out the piece*

Claire: YES, that one...

She picked at this piece and kept asking questions...

Claire: is it OK to eat this piece?  what about this piece, is it ok to eat it if it is... what is this?!

Michael: NO that is a piece of fat... you don't eat the fat.

Claire: *picking some more* What about this, what is this part?

Michael: that's a tendon... don't eat that either...

Claire: Ok, i think i've picked it enough, can i have a body piece now?

Michael: Seriously, what have we done in feeding you?!  It's a leg, a wing, a breast... how do you not know these things?

Me: It isn't like we eat fried chicken often... it's not her fault... i blame me, i don't eat meat so it isn't as if she should know about the pieces of a fried chicken!

About 5 minutes later i had to excuse myself from the table due to the graphic nature of them devouring their chicken.

For me, i can't stomach the nastiness that comes along with people eating meat when they are picking it off of the bone.... and discussing it all in detail!  A hamburger, sure eat away... just chew with your mouth shut.  A piece of chicken, sure eat away with your knife and fork.  But the raw details of eating a piece of fried chicken... it's so nasty! lol

If it were up to me, Claire would be a vegetarian like me.  But she enjoys meat, and i will not keep it away from her.  I'm not a vegan-whack-o who thinks that all people should eat veggie's only.  I mean, in a perfect world there would be less meat eaten because of the way they kill the animals so you can all eat it... trust me, it is so nasty!  And the way people will eat a cow, but not a horse or a dog... i find that odd.  You either eat meat, or you do not.  There should not be this whole "i can't believe that Chinese people eat cats!" uh, you eat a cow, a chicken, and a pig, and fish and whatever else you can eat the meat of that is considered "normal".  Some people worship cows and can't believe American's eat them.  So to them, you are all odd.  Meat is meat, if you're going to eat it, i'm honestly surprised there aren't more cannibals out there.  That sounds strange, but if you eat the flesh of one LIVE being, what is stopping you from eating the flesh of ALL living beings?  because for me, eating ANY flesh is just the most disgusting thing about human beings.   You can put any "religious" spin on it you want, but i've read all sides of it.  There is no pure truth in what God wants.  There is no guarantee that you won't all end up in hell because you killed one of Gods creatures to get a quick meal.  If it's living, if it's breathing, if it feels pain, i'm going with the school of thought that it shouldn't be killed for my "pleasure". No meat for me! :o)

Magnificent Monday {10}

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