Friday, December 12, 2008

i want this book! + favorite thing.

well, there are more, but i really want this one!

i simply remember my favorite things...

the smell of snow in the air
the way the flakes drift slowly down
my favorite snuggly blue sweater
cuddles to stay warm with Claire
hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows
putting up our Christmas tree
making tons of cookies for others
creating holiday decorations with Claire
playing in the snow
giving lots of love and gifts to others...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

so many bricks - it's hard to tear down

i have this wall around me...
it is tall enough that i can no longer see over it;
the years of attacks on my character
the pain of never knowing
the lack of love from so many
the sorrow of losing so much
the guilt of never letting go
the shame of a teenage disorder
the isolation of being all alone
the fear of letting in and getting hurt
the dangers that lurk outside my door
the twisted nature of the beast
the words that hurt forever
the door that never opens
the phone that never rings
the friend that never remembers
the love that has no voice
the way that it's suppose to be
the glares from across the room
the whispers that i hear
the voice that never speaks
the room that grows colder
the echos of the deep
the street that never ends
the visions of what if
the pain that i carry...
it never lets me escape this wall.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

lack of world knowledge...

a conversation at our house tonight:

Claire: Daddy, check out my new webkinz... it's an elephant... a velveteen elephant!
Michael: that's pretty cool.
Claire: guess what i named it? c'mon guess!
Michael: velve... ele... i don't know what?
Claire: think of a country where you'd find them...
Michael: Africa
Claire: Daddy, Africa isn't a country - it's a continent!
Michael: South Africa?
Claire: why would i name my elephant "South Africa"?
Michael: i don't know... what did you name it?
Claire: INDIA!
Michael: i would never guess India! why would you pick India for an elephant name?
Claire: Hello... it's like their car over there!

OK, perhaps more WORLD culture is needed in our schools?  My 9 year old child thinks that elephants are the major means of transportation in India and that they have very few cars on the road.  Thank you public school system.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

following strangers.

i came across this blog years ago. And i started to read the daily life of a complete stranger. They have a husband who is a musician in Tennessee who also had a blog. I followed a link onto myspace and became their "friend" on myspace too. i came across their flickr photos and took a moment or two to flip through their images. and then i managed to forget all about these people, because lets face it - i do not know them!

Today out of nowhere, with a random thought of them, i recalled these people and looked up their blog. They have it now blocked from outside viewing. it made me a little sad to not be able to see how they were doing. then i remembered their myspace page name (because i cleaned out my friends long ago and only kept the people i actually knew on my list or my very favorites). And there they both were. Two people i've never met, but feel like i know as well as my own "real" online friends. They had new blogs and new photos of her modeling career (she's now a blonde!) and new music to listen to. It was interesting to come across a page full of so much information about people i find interesting in their live, but who i've never actually met.

i wonder if people know, or care, that strangers are reading their information? Do they only put out there what they want other people to know about them? Are they even being their true self or just an act for the sake of the viewers? Should i feel strange that i follow complete strangers lives online?! Or is that the world that we now live in... half truths and half lives online. Does anyone actually really know a person IN PERSON anymore or have we gone to the way of technology communication only?

Some of my friends that i have not seen in years, i now know them again online. And does that mean that we are "friends" again? No. We talk, but only in random short messages. Not a true conversation. There is no "eye to eye" conversation. So to call someone online a true friend, is that fair?

These are things that i find interesting about where the world is now going. Maybe its time to take a step back and remember to just have a friend for the sake of having a friend in person. Nothing online, no exchange of e-mail address' or facebook friendships... just real world only. Can it even be done?!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

take advantage you're worth it!

Wait, what?

that is the message so many people are getting these days.  Everyone thinks they are "worth it".  And i agree that you should always think you are worthy of the things life has to offer.  You should live free!  You should have a choice in how you iive!  but at what cost do we "bailout" people who mess up?

We've become a nation of "uhhh!! no fair! where's mine?!" The Veruca Salt syndrome as i call it.  Everyone thinks that they deserve it all.  Kids don't even try anymore because they know that if they complain to their parents, their parents will get upset and then they will take over for them and "bail" them out of trying.

I am always thinking to myself (as i look around at other parents) am i raising my daughter wrong and she's going to end up hating me for being so harsh!  But i've come to realize that kids are far out of control when it comes to getting their way.  You can't punish a child at school or the parents will sue and take good money away from the school.  And the parents won't punish the child at home, so where do these kids get punished?  (i'm not talking about spanking, we don't believe in that at our house)  They do not get punished.  And so they grew up and are growing up expecting to get their way in everything that they do.

Does the current "bailout" teach our children anything other than this; FAIL and someone will be there to BAIL you out?

I can proudly say that i am the only person in my family that did not file for bankruptcy.  We have debt and we are currently struggling to make sure we have everything under control in our budget... but WE are bailing ourself out.  We are not asking for a handout because we got ourselves into financial trouble over the past few years.  We do not expect anyone to pay our debt.  Sure it would be wonderful to have someone just hand me the money and take the easy way out; but what do i learn from that?  Nothing.

I am against all of the current bailout plans.  What would happen if the government did nothing?  The truth is - no one knows because they are planning to keep bailing out troubled business'.  It makes me angry and it makes me sad to think that there are hard working families out there going without because they can not even put food on the table.  And then 3 CEO's show up on their private jets costing $20,000 each!  There are people who would love to earn that as an income in an entire year!  and they spent 3 times that amount just getting from Detroit to D.C. 

Shame on you Government, Big Business, and on the society that we have become.  We should all know better and we all need a serious time out! :o)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

The 12 Days of Thanksgiving.

The 12 days of Thanksgiving
by Claire Blu 
(my 9 year old daughter)

On the 1st day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, a turkey in a grill
on the 2nd day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, two honey hams
(repeat 1)
on the 3rd day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, three silver forks 
(repeat 2 and 1)
on the 4th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, four pilgrims 
(repeat 3, 2, and 1)
on the 5th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, five Indian's 
(repeat 4, 3, 2, and 1)
on the 6th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, six people eating 
(repeat 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1)
on the 7th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, seven cups of water 
(repeat 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1)
on the 8th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, eight people burping 
(repeat 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1)
on the 9th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, nine white plates 
(repeat 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1)
on the 10th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, ten fries a frying 
(repeat 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1)
on the 11th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, eleven wishbone wishing 
(repeat 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1)
on the 12th day of thanksgiving my mother gave to me, twelve full bellies 
(repeat 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1)


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

another day.

"She held her grief behind her eyes like an ocean & when she leaned forward into the day it spilled onto the floor & she wiped at it quickly with her foot & pretended no one had seen."

Monday, November 10, 2008

Magnificent Monday {7}

in my search of yummy vegetarian food and being a vegetarian and having a love of food photography, this blog has the best of both worlds!
* Vegan Yum Yum

Take great photos, or write great poems... turn it all into a book, create the book with a free software download, then sell the book!  Sure does sound easy, right?  i found this little gem a few weeks ago and thought i would share!

this etsy find is just adorable art would make an amazing Christmas card! 

Friday, November 7, 2008


I'm waiting
For my moment to come
I'm waiting
For the movie to begin
I'm waiting
For a revelation
I'm waiting for someone
To count me in
-Spiraling, Keane

Monday, November 3, 2008

self realization

When it comes to doing something for nothing, i'm your girl.  When it comes to putting others first, yep that's me again.  When it comes to doing nice things even for complete strangers, again...that would be me.  When it comes to saying "yes", that's me i'm a "yes" girl!

Have you ever watched a movie and as they were telling a character there is something that they do that is bad or not what they should be doing....and you sit there just hoping that everyone else around you can't tell that you are that same kind of person?  This happened to me the other day while watching "27 dresses".  The character of Jane is being told by Kevin that she doesn't know how to tell people "no".  He continues on to ask her later in the movie, "what about you, don't you have any needs..."  This started my thought process last week.  It is something that i think about often, but never has it hit me so hard as it did in watching this movie.

Also, all day Sunday i got caught up on watching my netflix.  I happened to be watching "Samantha Who?" (if you have not seen it yet, i urge you to watch it!) As i sat there watching episode after episode it made me think even more about my life.  If i were to wake up tomorrow and have no knowledge of my past 18 years, would i be happy with who i am today?  My 15 year old self would be hating me (everything except my wonderful daughter)!  i have one.  I am only here to do things for other people.  Although i do enjoy a lot of what i am doing, it doesn't fully describe me as a person.  My dreams of who i wanted to be when i grew up.  I am not living 1 of them.  not even 1.  I do not have a huge family, i am not a career mom, i do not run my own business, i do not live near the beach, i'm not involved in the things i wanted to be.  Sure you can say it is just the dreams of a child and not everyone can have all of their dreams.  My dreams were pretty simple, it isn't like i wanted to be President!

Today drove it straight home.  I do volunteer work at the school daily.  Monday through Friday.  I try not to miss a day, even when i am sick.  Two weeks ago i was sick, then we had a field trip sleepover for two days, then i got even more sick because of the field trip, then there was a 4 day weekend, then i had other obligations.  So in short - i had not been at the school helping in 2 weeks and 2 days.  It isn't like i expected a parade marking my return or anything like that.  But not one person that i do piles and piles of work for on a weekly basis, not one person said "hey haven't seen you in awhile... where've you been?" nothing along those lines. It was as if no one even noticed that i was gone, nor did they notice really that i was there all morning today. 

So i realized something.  I'm busting my ass weekly for people who i am not friends with.  People who wouldn't notice if i was missing for 2 weeks.  People who just want more and more work done and even when you do a HUGE project for these people, they say a quick "thank you" (if you're lucky to get a thank you) and the next day there is another project they need done that is just as huge for them.  Even if i was not there, there would be someone else to do their work for them...and if not, these people are quite capable of doing the work themselves.

So i'm starting to wonder, why am doing all of this stuff for people who do not honestly care who does the job for them...just as long as their job gets done?  If i give someone more than i should - i should be getting something more in return...instead i am giving my all and getting nothing in return.  

A new age of ME is coming....

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

funny and serious

yesterday conversation with us at dinner:
Claire: why doesn't Uncle Johnny start a business out in California like you have here?
Michael: the rules are stricter in California than they are here...
Claire: Oh, so they can't show their ankles? *grin*
Me: laughing so hard i spit my food out a little bit...

that kid has a wicked sense of humor that is sometimes a bit scary ;-)


fake scenario - i need you to hire this man for a high level job at your super secure, super important company.  he only has 2 years of experience in the field.  and in his past he has had some drug issues.  and he also has been known to hang around with some VERY bad people.  Would you hire him to work for your company?

fact - this is our path of the current election.  seriously people, WAKE UP!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Hill too steep, so turn right

i feel like this image should be given to all Republican offices. If you vote for Obama, be prepared for the STEEP hill going DOWN (as in; he will drive our country down, are you ready for that ride?) So instead, follow the next sign and TURN RIGHT (as in become a republican right wing nut lol)!

I'm very independent. I honestly think both sides have major flaws. I will never be on either side. i happen to think that the Left is so far away from me at the moment that i need to turn to the right to get back on the RIGHT track.

Won't you please join me in making a turn for the RIGHT (or at least join me in NOT electing Obama!)

Michele Blue