Saturday, August 29, 2009

write me a letter, send it by postman

it strikes me as odd that people do not write from the heart as they use to long ago. once upon a time is not how stories begin anymore. fairy tales are something we tell our very young, and as they grow up into adolescents we tell them that there is no such thing as real fairy tales... that girls don't really get to marry a prince, or kiss the frog that turns into the handsome prince. we then grow up and lose sight of such writings and begin to read about the horrors on the daily news websites. we also no longer sit down and write letters to the people that we love. we are even known to leave messages for our significant others on facebook/twitter/blog and call that communication in the form of a message.

there was a time when you did not announce your private love and affection for your significant other in the public like we do today. it was something you might speak of to a dear friend, but you did not openly write your love for your husband/wife/other on a street wall or post it in the local newspaper. the thought that people do this now on public forums like facebook/twitter/blogs makes me roll my eyes and laugh at the childish appearance of such an act.

i guess what i am getting at is this... is your love there for the public... or for you? would you think to write your lover a long note to display your admiration for them? or is a message of "your hot and i love you!" on their facebook/twitter/blog page how you express your love. is this what our world is coming to? the loss of an art form perfected so many years ago... the love letter!

they use to know how to write... they use to know how to love... i think maybe this is why the divorce rate is so high. people have forgotten how to show love... deep love.

My dearest Girl,
This moment I have set myself to copy some verses out fair. I cannot proceed with any degree of content. I must write you a line or two and see if that will assist in dismissing you from my Mind for ever so short a time. Upon my Soul I can think of nothing else - The time is passed when I had power to advise and warn you again[s]t the unpromising morning of my Life - My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving - I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. I should be afraid to separate myself far from you. My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit now to my love - You note came in just here - I cannot be happier away from you - 'T is richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threat me even in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could be martyr'd for my Religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet - You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist: and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often "to reason against the reasons of my Love." I can do that no more - the pain would be too great - My Love is selfish - I cannot breathe without you.

Yours for ever,
John Keats

Thursday, August 27, 2009

needs . daily life

i feel so full of desire these days.
i need to day dream more.
i need to say, that's Ok for today...
and mean it!

i need some real connections
i need the whole story,
i need to listen to you.
feel what you are saying is real.

i need to good times. i need people laughing all around me.
i need to get moving... get out the door and go!

i need to be inspired by something great.
i need to take it all in, feel it, be it.

i need to make a change that sits right in the pit of my stomach,
and not just go with the flow.

i need to send out love and get it back. i need to stop sending out love that never comes back.
i need to be sure i commit to telling people i know that i love them, when i do love them.

i need to to see the great big picture before i jump again.

i need to find a way back to who i use to be. i need to keep
Claire on the path of were she wants to be, and not where
people are telling her to be.

i need all of my problems to magically be fixed by something great and wonderful.

what i really need is love... because in the end, love conquers all.

Monday, August 24, 2009


most of the time you're just looking for something magical in your dreams...

Dreams are funny things. You dream about people you don't know, may never know, currently know, or that you might have known in the past. People bring out different emotions in us... And when you dream about them... the next day, you can't shake that feeling of how they made you feel. Be if real, be it dream; be it good or bad. Your mind can not help but feel what it feels, and so you are stuck with these left over emotions from a dream to deal with all day long. Although, I do not mind the good ones!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

making a wish.


How many ways do you know to make a wish?
1. a shooting star
2. clock time 11:11
3. a lost eye lash
4. birthday candles
5. a dandelion
6. throwing a coin in a well/fountain
7. turning a necklace clasp
8. the FIRST star you see
9. the wishbone on the thanksgiving turkey
10. ?

i'm adding a new one.... blowing bubbles! Why not? they're beautiful and simple. they magically float through the air like a dream. they should be more magical, right?

so, if a bubble lands on you and pops... make a wish!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

a true classic, IMHO.

Hands Across the Table, 1935
i love this movie. somewhere in a box, waiting to be unpacked, i own this movie on VHS. (if you ever find a copy on DVD, snag it for me will ya?)
Classic girl meats boy, falls in love with boy... but boy is poor and jobless. i kind of feel like i should unpack this movie and watch it. i recall many late night study sessions in college watching AMC (back when they actually use to play classic's - you know, really great OLD black and white movies!) this movie came on AMC about once a month and i found an old copy on VHS one year... it was a present to myself for all of my hard work. Although i can not recall what the hard work was that deserved a movie, but it must have been something special because i truly love this movie.
a couple of quotes from the movie that i love;
Regi: You must have a lot of friends that could give you a job.
Ted Drew: That'd be a fine friend who'd give you a job. No friend of mine had better try anything like that on me.
Regi: Do you dream?
Ted Drew: No.
Regi: You should - you'd meet a better class of people
Laura: Yeah, and maybe here's that ten million dollars you've been dreaming about.
Regi: The way I feel today, I'd settle for a million.

Carole Lombard had this way about presenting herself on screen. i wish i had half of that talent to present myself really well.

they do not make movies like this anymore. i love old classic movies. life seemed so much more simple back then. sure it was hard. but life is hard no matter what time zone or time period you are living in. a time when a person could get a job at the newspaper without having 10 degrees to back up their working knowledge of how the paper worked. a time when you could let your kid play in the street without fear of being snatched by someone. a time when you knew your neighbors and they knew you and you could depend on them for even something as small as a cup of sugar. times aren't how they use to be in the movies that i love watching. life flies by at a million 140 character twitter updates per second. if you blink you just missed a million people updating their status online and a world of knowledge that you probably didn't even need to know about complete strangers.

speaking of, i'm giving up my twitter for 1 week (or longer if i can stand it). its going to be a rough week. i lived for years without twitter and needing to know that someone that is a complete stranger to me is brushing their teeth while they pee. yeah, twitter has some odd updates. i'll miss @badbanana and @sween and the comical side of twitter that sometimes made me laugh just when i needed it. but right now i have some hard choices to make in my life and i need less distractions keeping me from staying focused. you will be missed my good friend twitter.

ok, i'm off to be the choice maker of the family!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

riding along, clueless, in the sunshine.


at some point in life, probably when we feel like it's almost a little too late, we see ourselves for who we really are in life. we notice all of the things that we love and we ignore all of the little things that might have use to matter to us. we stop taking for granted the things that should be noticed. we find out all of the things that make us different than everyone else, and we embellish those traits for the bettering of not only our life but if we are lucky enough, for bettering the life of someone we love.

although the bees are still attacking my window today, so the breeze that i long for isn't flowing next to me as i write, sparking my desire to really write... i feel that i need that kind of an awakening inside of me. i need to stop writing in fear of the who might be reading. i need to open up my blog for the world to see and you can take me for who i am... the good, the bad, and the often ugly!

i realized that i write better when the air is fresh, clean, and blowing freely around me. i use to find this time in the car. you see i had this amazing peaceful alone time for at least 45 minutes a day when i would wait in my car for Claire to be done with school. it wasn't a momentous time, but it was all mine. i miss that free time. but it is time to realize that those times are gone. we live here now. i have no true alone time in our tiny apartment, and i need to adapt. this is me adapting. watch out world!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

who's your cheering team?

i friend recently said to me, "... I do think sometimes you have the wrong impression of me and what my life is like, like i am this cheerleader with a crew or like the leader of the Pink ladies."

it's funny because i see everyone as cooler than me! you could be the biggest dork and i still will think you are cooler than me. i do not self-promote myself. i am positive about who i am and what i do. but i never think i am great... always room for improvement. i often compliment and pump up those around me. not only because they deserve it but because i think everyone is pretty darn cool... except for me. lol its hard to put into words. i've always been this way. i am not depressive or down on myself... but i refuse to see myself for anything but what is there on the surface. just average, ordinary, me.

i do not have a posse (wow, yes i just said posse!). i do not have a strong backing of support behind me on any given day. my biggest fan is my 10 year old daughter; and i'm lucky if she understands half of what i am saying each day in my adult world. most often i am complaining about how much i hate CSS code or some goof on twitter being stupid or something on the news that is frustrating me. i do not expect a cheering team in my life. sometimes i do wish hubby was more of the "go team go" kind of guy, but its like that saying - you can't teach an old dog new tricks - yep, you can't really teach a hubby of 14 years how to be different either. as for the family, i gave up on having them in my corner years ago! i'm lucky if they don't put me down in any given conversation. So i am my own pink ladies group, except its the "blue ladies" because i can't stand pink! lol and since i refuse to pat my own back, there isn't much of a moral boosting session going on except on paper from time to time. yes, i'm lame. i write "i *heart* you" on paper just so i know that i love myself sometimes. hey, someone's gotta pump me up while i'm writing! ;-)

just so you know... i support all of YOU! whatever you think you can do, i know you can do it and i am always here for all of you!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

a breath of fresh Smog.


you know the kind of air you can taste? like when you walk past some place baking fresh bread and you can almost feel the taste of the bread in your mouth... that's how i would describe the thick smog. Only it doesn't taste like yummy fresh bread. it feels like your mouth is sitting inside of a bowl of sand and no matter how much you drink your mouth can't escape that feeling of grit. It's bad out today, i can not breathe as easily as i did yesterday and my sinus' are a not making my head hurt any less. this is the first day you look outside our window and it is almost as if there are no hills at all. they've almost been erased by the smog.

i hate smog. but at least the sun is still shining through the thickness of the air today!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

choices that are worth more.

if we had not moved, Claire would be starting 5th grade back in the mid-west with all of her friends. She is currently still in bed and i do not want to wake her up. I know it is going to be a long and sad day for her today. It had not really hit her or effected her that we moved far away from her known world. She spoke daily, and for hours and hours at a time on the phone with her friends back home. Today will be the first true test of her not being able to reach out to her friends whenever she feels like it throughout the day and evening. Due to the 3 hour time difference she can't call them at 9pm because it is midnight there. Now that they all have an early bed time for school, she won't be able to call past 5 pm our time. that is like forever in 10 year old world... that time from 5-9 pm!

We all voted "yes" as a family (i was the only one left on the "no/maybe" side, so i changed to yes) to move to California. And on many levels it has been an amazing choice for her life experiences. i think today is just one of those days that i feel sad for a choice made that strongly effects my child.