being without a place...

yesterday was a really hard day for me. After two very LONG (stressful) days at work and staying in a hotel since Monday afternoon... i was hitting a breaking point. On the verge of tears i told my husband that i could not stay at the hotel another night.  And i asked him what he thought about it all, to no surprise he had no input past, "do what you want..."

After hours of being teased by every one because they thought just as much before hand; that i would not be able to last in the hotel... i just gave up on even trying to cope. I picked up my purse i grabbed our main suitcase and told Michael and Claire to follow.  Claire of course was mad because the hotel was her way of staying in town to be closer to her friends for much longer.  But i reminded her that it was a Friday night and i had not made any "final" choice on the issue. So, I drove us up to my parents house.

I still feel like curling up into a ball and just crying.  I am no longer enjoying this feeling of being displaced.  I have a new found understanding of those who have to be put out because of a flood, fire, hurricane, etc.  I use to look at those people and think, "wow i feel bad for them... but it isn't so bad because they have a place to stay... not like they are 'homeless' and in a box on the street."  I no longer will ever see anyone being displaced in the same way again.

I am a smeller. It sounds strange, but i can smell something and remember the first time i smelled it.  i miss my smells being around me. i miss curling up with my own blanket at night with my own pillow (oh yeah, now that we're at my parents... it's SOOO coming out of that space age bag thing!), i miss being able to just be...

So to sum up, $300 later, we are out of the hotel and at my parents house.  I'm hating the allergies, they have two cats.  I appear to be crying and the eyes are puffy and the nose is running and red from being blown all last night... but once i wash down the bedding, and get out MY pillows, i am hopeful that i might feel better than i am feeling today still.

I keep wondering if this all makes me just a totally horrid person for feeling like i do.  I never think of my self as "spoiled". Picky, yes! Stubborn, hell yes!  But spoiled? God i was hoping i was not one of those type of people... but it appears that maybe i am :-(