article 5 things you think will make you happy (but won't) it is written on a comedy magazine website, but it is far from humor. If you take the time to read it, it will make you sit up and think. Sorry, it is a comedy website and the link was given to me by a friend, there are curse words in there... be for warned!
That article puts a much finer point on some of how i feel today.
"if i own all of these movies and our collections complete...."
"if i own as much music as i see that person owning..."
"if only i could have all of this pretty paper...."
"if only i had those shoes like her..."
"when i have a bigger house i will be happier..."
I could list out so many thoughts that have filled my head over the years.
desires. wants. wishes.
The truth is, i had the huge movie collection... yet i could never find anything to watch! i had the complete collection of Music CD's... hundreds of CD's! But i still only seemed to play my 4 favorite CD's when i wanted to listen to music. I had hundreds of pieces of "pretty" paper, it all sat in a drawer and only on a rare occasion did i use it. I wanted to create cards just like this blog girl i followed, the fact is it was an illusion of want. I had the pretty shoes just like "her", they hurt like heck!
I've been trying to put into words, this feeling of "relief". This feeling of "freedom". It is something i wish i could convey into words. I had it all, and i gave it all away. I do not miss it. I do not want it. I do not even know why i ever wanted it all. It is this feeling of, wow... what really matters to me in this life, i can not buy it at a store. I can not ever have the exact same life as someone else. This is who i am, these things i have are all mine and no one else can have what i have in my life. No matter how much i purchase, i will always be who i am.... and that is OK!
Today i went through boxes that have been out in our garage for at least 5 years. I had not gone through them since they were packed up and put outside. I had no idea what was inside of them. Most of it went straight into the trash. Old magazines i kept for dumb reasons. But i came across a box... i almost threw it straight into the trash because it looked like something dumb. But i stopped myself... i took a second attempt to toss it... again, i paused and then sat it in front of me to look into in a minute. When i looked inside, it was the stuff i had been looking for! It was my baby cast from when i was born and they broke my foot. It was my glass baby ducky with the toothbrush! It was several other small things of mine from when i was a baby! I must have sounded and looked like a complete idiot to Michael, but i almost cried i was so happy to find these things. My past, my life, the only things from my childhood that i have left. Things that actually made me who i am today and it made me remember the things about myself that i once had hold of.... it made me remember how far off course i have gotten from who i use to want to become.
This move has done so many things, but most importantly... it has given me a whole new way of looking at everything i have in my life. It has given me a greater understanding of just how much our society wastes on purchasing JUNK. how much time and effort i myself have wasted on these things that are not needed to provide any means of happiness in life. They are just time wasters, things to satisfy the need of NOW. There is so much more to life than the things that fill up our homes. The things that fill our hearts and minds are so much more important.
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